You're not losing your drive — you're redirecting it toward the most worthy pursuit of all: yourself.
This one's for the high-performing, high-achieving people who sometimes wonder if ambition itself is a bad thing. Spoiler alert: it's not. It's often the thing that's driving our ambition that we need to pay attention to.
This is a transcription of a video I recorded. If you’d prefer to watch/listen the unedited version, you can do so here.
Standing in the Mirror, Wondering What's Next
There comes a point when you've achieved more than you could have ever imagined, and you are standing in the mirror, or sitting on the couch late at night, staring off into space, asking yourself, ‘What's next? What do I do now?’
You have the wall of accolades, you have the respect and admiration of your peers, and even of some of those people who doubted you. You have the house you dreamed of, the marriage and the kids who are well on their way. You did it, and by gosh, you are so freaking proud of yourself.
And yet, there's this restlessness, this chomping at the bit, this energy, this drive, that needs somewhere to go—something to do, something to achieve. And when you say "something to achieve," something in you pauses a little bit. And you wonder, "Do I always have to be achieving something?"
There is something you are longing to go after, but it is not what you are used to. It is not another degree, another accolade, another step on the proverbial ladder. You are not looking for external anything.
You are past that.
What you are looking for is a place to aim your ambition in a direction that fuels you, inspires you, excites, and energizes you. You are looking to pursue something new that makes you shimmy with delight, that makes you giddy like a teenager who's experiencing requited love for the first time.
The Thing You're Longing For
What is it, that thing you are longing for, wanting to explore and get to know deeply? What is it that you want to turn your attention to? That thing that you want to get to know, love, and pursue?
That thing is you.
You are longing to get to know you. What lights you up? What excites you? What makes you wiggle your toes and weep with gratitude? What feels so good on the inside that you radiate on the outside?
You want to know next-level joy, peace, and love. You want to know what it's like to live and create from that place. How to be rich and indulgent with yourself. How to be a good steward of this gift of a life. Not for your job, not for your kids, not for your parents or your partner, but for yourself.
The Beautiful Shift
What you are seeking represents a shift of your ambition, once driven by external accomplishment, to that same ambition being fueled by internal alignment—where you become the primary beneficiary of your effort, your focus, and your doggedness.
Here's what's beautiful about that:
When you look at all that your ambition has gotten you, all that you've achieved, all that you've accomplished, it is a testament to what is possible when you commit yourself. Imagine what is possible when you commit yourself to yourself. Imagine the inner peace. Imagine the presence, the joy, the life that you could create in yourself—probably with a fraction of the effort, focus, and attention.
And the upside? You already know how to do this.
The way that you devote yourself to yourself is to date yourself.
Date Yourself.
Remember when you had your first major crush on someone? Or your first real relationship? How you always wanted to spend time with that person. How you leaned in and listened with curiosity to everything they said, trying to understand who their were at their core, tuning out everyone else so you could focus exclusively on them. Remember how you scheduled dates, and made sure nothing got in the way of the time you got to spend with them?
You learned their love language and you enjoyed doing things for them to brighten their day and to make them smile.
I want to invite you to treat yourself like that.
Pursue yourself like that.
Get to know yourself like that.
Date yourself.
Love yourself actively, ambitiously, intentionally. If you wouldn't go a day without spending time or having a conversation with your boo, don't go one single day without having a conversation with yourself.
Put yourself on your calendar. Draw hearts around your name, and make the time sacred. Go to dinner. Make an elaborate meal. Go to a pottery workshop. Find out what you like and don't like.
Be all in on yourself.
And in being all in on yourself, you learn the sound of your own voice. You tune in to what makes you come alive. And then you begin to make those things an everyday part of your reality. You begin to create and live from that place.
Everything you touch, everything you do, is doused in the love that you have for yourself. This is the new ambition. Ambition not fueled by external accomplishments, but fueled by acceptance and adoration of one's self.
Your Invitation
I want to invite you to try on the idea of being the beneficiary of your ambition. Try on the idea of dating yourself, of spending quality time with yourself as someone you are trying to get to know.
Because in this lifetime, many of us have spent so much of our time and our focus and our attention on things outside of ourselves. And as we look forward to the next thing to pursue, pursue you. There is nothing more meaningful, nothing more beautiful…no greater act of gratitude than to know, be, love, and accept all of who you are.
If you decide to date yourself, to get to know yourself in this way, there is no way that you could not marvel at your magnificence. There is no way that you could not be so gracious, so tender, so loving with yourself that every decision you make is rooted in your deep desire to honor and be who you are.
Everything you create from that place? Next level.
Ready to try this on?
Start with the question: What would it look like to date myself actively? Ambitiously. Intentionally. Date myself.
Where would I go?
What would I do?
What would I explore?
How would I talk to myself?
How often would I spend time with myself?
I want you to just close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to move with love towards yourself.
You are not looking for another achievement out there. What you are looking for and longing for is inside. It is a depth of connection with yourself that is otherworldly. That is the most spiritual, most connected of work.
Try it on and I'd love to hear what comes up for you.
Ready to shift from achievement-driven to alignment-fueled ambition? To be the beneficiary of your effort, focus, and attention? Grab Beyond Achievement, a resource guide to help you get started.
