When you’ve decided to forge your own path and you’re faced with uncertainty…

Aug 7

When you decide you're chosen, you're also accepting a life of uncertainty. Here's what you need to survive it.

This is a transcript of a video recording. If you’d prefer to watch the no-frills, poolside recording, you can do that here.

I'm writing this to you from sunny Connecticut, where I've been sitting poolside for hours, sun-kissed and inspired. Whenever I find myself close to water—my happy place—there's always a ton of writing that comes out of it. And if you're new to me, you should know that everything I share comes from inside. I never want the need for production or perfection to get in the way of that honest connection with you.

So many of my friends and clients have committed to living big, brave, different lives. They've chosen to honor themselves, to listen to the nudging in their spirit that whispers there is another way. Something different. Something less draining. A way to live that's more fulfilling.

They've decided to get off the well-worn, albeit exhausting path to success and instead forge their own path.

But here's the thing about opting out of what you know—the acceptable track—and choosing the uncertainty, the newness of paving your own way:

That shit is hard.

There are no warning signs on this new path, no guideposts, no markers to confirm that you're going in the right direction. It is just you with you in the wilderness.

I want you to imagine that for a second. You, wandering in unfamiliar territory.

Now, if you are anything like me, the very thought of that activates some sort of panic, some sort of "oh hell no" reaction. I absolutely abhor being or feeling lost. I hate feeling like there is some place I am supposed to be, but I can't or don't know how to get there. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, sets me off faster or more.

Accepting the Call

That said, this life of purpose, alignment, and impact—the life of being chosen as a guide—is my life, and I have accepted that calling. And what that's meant is that I have had to find ways to support myself through the ups, the downs, the uncertainty, the vulnerability that's all a part of it.

Because the reality is, the moment you decide to believe that you are chosen, that there is something you are meant to bring and be in this world that only you can be and bring, you are also accepting a life of uncertainty and unfolding. A life of intentionally becoming all that you are created to be. Not to go along to get along, but to live in a way that honors the gift in you.

Your job, from this point forward, is to be fully, wholly you in a world that values, affirms, expects, and encourages uniformity.

To break free from that requires courage, conviction, and—my God—does it require self-compassion.

The Three Things You Cannot Walk This Path Without

1. Courage

Courage to go against the grain, to believe something else, something other than you've believed for all of your life. It takes courage to take the first step, to try. Courage to hope, to question, to listen to yourself, to spend time with yourself, even when the world is clamoring for your attention. And when everyone else seems to be getting ahead by not listening to themselves, it takes courage to choose this path, to choose different.

But courage is only part of what you need—maybe a third—because a great start without stamina, without endurance, without something to sustain you, falls flat. It doesn't finish, and it quits. And you didn't start this journey to quit. You started for purpose, impact, joy, fulfillment.

So what will keep you going? What will sustain you and support you for the long haul? What will carry you through when you are fresh out of courage, emotionally and mentally tapped out?

2. Conviction

Conviction is spiritual fuel. It is a deep-rooted, evidence-based belief that you are called, that you are chosen, that your life was curated for this. That if you look back on where you've been and what you've been through, you see all the evidence that you need.

All of the confirmation you need is in the story, the lessons, the challenges, and the miracles that at one point felt—and maybe even looked like—mistakes.

Conviction says: look at all of who you are and know that even your imperfections are intentional, purposeful, aligned, necessary for who you are called to be.

Conviction is seeing yourself through the lens of the Creator who is so pleased in your creation. The Creator is so pleased.

I need to pause here because sometimes we forget. We forget that the Creator is pleased with us, and that we don't need to earn or fight for approval. You are the apple of the Creator's eye. Every imperfection was known. It is not a flaw. It is not something to fix. It is a part of what you need to be and bring your gift to the world.

And if we can hold onto that, that is conviction. Conviction is fuel. It is food for the journey.

I want to note here: if you are on this journey and you are feeling weary—and when I say on this journey, I mean being on this journey of shedding who the world expects you to be, of no longer chasing something outside of yourself, of getting to know yourself and who you were created to be and practicing becoming her—if you are on that journey and you are feeling weary, most of the time that's a sign that you need to deepen your conviction.

It doesn't mean that you're on the wrong path necessarily, but sometimes we need spiritual fuel for the journey, and that means we need to deepen our conviction.

3. Compassion (Toward Yourself)

The third thing you'll need for this new way of being, for this evolution that is you, is compassion. And this one gets me all in my feelings because we are not in the habit of being compassionate toward ourselves.

We expect to love others—our partners, our children, our parents, our siblings, and our friends—but loving ourselves? Not so much.

And God forbid you grew up with a narcissistic parent whose need for love and attention left very little for anyone else. You're even less inclined to extend yourself compassion because you don't want to be anything like that. You have an aversion to taking more than your fair share of compassion, knowing how it made you feel growing up.

But for this work, for this journey that you are on, for this paving of your own path, for navigating this newness, you have to be prepared emotionally for the inevitable: for the failure, for the falling, for the walking in circles, for being tired, uncertain, frustrated, angry, lost, confused.

And you might be thinking, "Well, okay, that's life. I've experienced that in life."

Oh no, friends. Oh no. Because this is different. Because on this path, it's just you with you. There is no one to blame if you get lost. There is no one to say, "Well, you didn't tell me," if you find yourself walking in circles.

You are the beginning and the end. Anything that does or does not work is because of and a reflection of you.

And that level of personal responsibility is not for the weak. It is next level.

And if you are going to survive it, you will have to be more gracious, more patient, more forgiving of yourself than you have ever been.

Creating Your Practice

I want you to pause for a second. I want you to think about how you treat yourself now when you make a mistake. When you drop a ball. When you fall off the wagon. How gracious are you with yourself? How compassionate are you with yourself? How patient, how forgiving of yourself are you?

Exactly.

This new way of being will require all three of these things: courage, conviction, and compassion toward yourself. Not just once, but over and over and over and over again. This must be your new way.

You have to create a practice that both constantly assesses and replenishes and refuels all three.

Because the moment you stop making courage deposits... the moment you stop making conviction deposits... the moment you stop making compassion deposits... you open yourself up to be consumed by doubt, fear, and self-judgment. All of the things that will slow you down and get in the way of you being and becoming all of you.

Your Starting Point: Three Essential Reflections

Before we move on to talking about how to create a practice that grows, supports, and sustains you—a practice that is rooted in courage, conviction, and compassion—I want to invite you to reflect on where you are in respect to all three of those.

First: Where have you demonstrated courage in your life? Make a list. Don't rush it. I don't want you to think, "I don't want to feel like I'm bragging." No, friends. Make the list. That list should be long. It's really important that you look back and collect all the moments where you have already done the thing. Where you have been brave. Where you have stepped outside of the norm and taken a risk.

Collect those things. Don't rush it. And let me tell you, if you are here, you have been brave. I want you to look back and see where you were brave. See what the result or the effect of your courage has been. And I want you to recognize that that is important. It's also confidence building. When you look back at where you've been and all of the times that you have taken brave, courageous action, and you look at where you are, that builds confidence. And for the journey you are on, you are going to need that.

Second: What are your thoughts about conviction? As you were reading about the conviction that is needed, and thinking about conviction as spiritual fuel, what came up for you? What are your thoughts? What are your reactions to that?

Finally, I want you to reflect on your habit of self-compassion. How do you normally respond to yourself? And this isn't about judging how you are with yourself—we are never in the business of judging ourselves. It is about facing yourself and seeing the opportunity you have to be kinder to yourself and to give yourself what you need.

The Empty Chair Exercise

I want you to almost sit with yourself. Pull up a chair. An empty chair. And I want you to imagine that in the chair opposite you, you are looking at yourself and all the places you've been and all that you've accomplished and all that you've survived.

And I want you to gas yourself up and just take note of all the ways in which you've been brave.

I want you to dig deep and imagine what a life rooted in conviction might enable you to do. And I want you to look at that version of you—the version of you who is sitting across from you who is ready. My God, ready. To pass the baton. To move lighter. To be lighter. To be loved wholly and fully for all that she is and everything that she is not.

And I want you to love her.

And it is from that place that we will create a practice that will support you, that will grow you and sustain you as you walk bravely, beautifully, lovingly, with conviction into what's next.

I am rooting for you and I'm so grateful to be able to walk alongside you for this part of your journey.