When You’re About to Step Into the Role of a Lifetime, I Hope You Remember
A friend landed a job opportunity of a lifetime. This is the letter I wrote to her in my journal the day she stepped into her new role. I’m sharing it here
When we start a new role, especially the one we’ve longed for, it’s natural to feel a little jittery. After all, we’ve arrived. This must be the place. And while I don’t want to rain on your parade, I do want to offer some perspective.
There is no place.
There is no magical position that will make all of your effort, all of your hard work matter. That belief was a way to keep you climbing, and if you hold on to it, you will always feel like you have to climb. You’ll approach this role as if it is magical, delicate, fragile. You’ll devote yourself to it wholly so as not to squander it away–to show yourself worthy. You’ll give more and more of yourself because this role is the role, and you want to meet its demands. You’ll want to get up to speed as fast as you can, grabbing at every morsel, so you don’t miss anything…so you can be everything.
You are finally here.
And then two, five, or ten years later, you’ll start to feel a little restless. You’ll still be taking it all in and meeting its demands, but you’ll wonder if this is it, if this is what you longed for and worked so hard for. Your kids will be older, you and your partner almost too comfortable in your togetherness, and your life seems to just keep going, whether you were present to it or not. And now that you’re head is up, and you’re looking around, you realize just how much you missed…are missing. All because at some point somewhere, you made this role special.
This job, this position, this office is not special.
You are.
There is no magic in this position.
This role does not become all that it is without you.
You are the magic.
You are the force.
So when you step into that room as _______, stand strong.
Not puffed up, not permission-seeking, not proving but present to all that you are.
Your wisdom, your knowing, your perspective, a magical collection of your lived experiences.
Stand strong in that.
Promise to always honor her. You.
What does she need from you to feel and be brave?
What does she need from you to feel held and trusted?
What does she need from you to be at her best?
What does she need from you to sustain herself here? To be valued here? To feel loved and adored here?
What does she need from you to show up fully, wholly, confidently?
How you treat her matters more than anything because she will always be with you, long after this job, long after these people and their opinions of you.
How you treat her will determine how you sleep at night. It’ll determine how much quality time you spend with your kids, your partner, and most importantly, yourself.
How you treat her – your loyalty to her – to yourself above all else will be both the hardest and the most impactful thing you can do here. It will be tempting to give in to the never-ending demands of this role, but if your hands, mind, and heart are busy holding that, your energy and focus consumed with that, what will you have for her?
As you step into this position, I hope you remember
If they could do it without you, they would. They need and want you, but you have to teach them how to be with you. They’ll watch and listen to how you treat yourself, and they’ll follow your lead. It will be a challenge for some, disruptive and different, but is that not how you make a difference? Your presence, your loyalty to being her, evolves and elevates them. And it affirms and energizes you.
This is but a moment, be present but not attached. You will not be in this role forever. This is a chapter in your life. These people? Characters in your story. Be present to what they have to teach you. Be present to how you grow and evolve, but please remember: whatever happens here is a part, not the whole of who you are and the magnificence of your life. So when it comes time to turn the page or finish this chapter, you’ll be able to move on without having lost sight of whose story this really is.
Her first. When you start your day. When you have a big decision to make? When the demands of the job are incessant and loud. When looming deadlines and panic surround you. The most impactful thing you can do is close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself, What does she need from me? Give her what she needs, and you’ll always have exactly what you need.
Be that.
Commit to that.
And everything else will fall into place.
I am so happy for you.
Rooting for your big,
Aisha
