Why You Can't Make Time for Yourself (And the One Belief That Changes Everything)
You know that time with and for yourself is important, not only to rest, but also to listen to yourself, to get clear on what you want, and to get guidance and direction from within.
Maybe you took an extended vacation, went on a retreat, or took a sabbatical and were reminded of just how nourishing and expansive it felt to slow down and be with yourself.
But lately, it’s been hard to carve out the time for yourself consistently–even though you know how necessary this it is. More and more, you are starting to wonder why it feels so hard to find time for yourself and if it’s even possible with your level of success.
Yes, it’s possible.
And here’s why it feels hard:
Because we approach finding time for ourselves like it’s a discipline, time management, or productivity issue. But it’s not. It’s a belief issue.
Whenever we're trying to change something—whatever we do or don't do, our actions, our behavior—is always tied to or fueled by some belief.
For most of us ambitious, high-achieving people, we have been driven by this belief that hard work leads to success. That being successful and having the trappings and the makings of success is what matters. It makes us feel of value. And so, we work hard. Our work ethic becomes the proxy for our worthiness.
That is a belief. And I say that's a belief (emphasis on the “a”) because there are other beliefs.
The Real Reason We Can't Take Time for Ourselves
My hunch is that the reason why we have a hard time taking time for ourselves during the week—or why we feel like we have to save up and earn our stillness—is because we don't recognize stillness as work. We don't acknowledge that there is something of value in stillness.
We have come to associate stillness and not “doing” as the opposite of working hard. And because we've identified ourselves as ambitious, successful, high-achieving people who have the long-held belief that hard work leads to success, stillness/not “doing” feels like a threat to our identity.
And we don’t move towards things that feel like a threat.
If we want to make time with and for ourselves a practice, if we want to stop seeing stillness, slowing down, and quiet as lazy or unproductive, then we have to let go of the belief that's underneath.
We have to let go of the belief that hard work leads to success.
What Happens After We Let Go of a Limiting Belief?
It’s not enough to let go of a limiting belief that’s been holding us back. We have to replace it with a new belief that aligns with and supports who we are becoming. Without it, we'll default back to our old way of being.
Not because you don’t want to change or because you aren’t disciplined enough to change, but because you’ve designed your life and your habits around this belief without even realizing it. It’s roots are deep. And now that it no longer serves you, you can’t just dig up those roots without adding in some additional supports.
This is why belief auditing is an integral part of the work I do with clients inside Beyond Success. When we’ve decided to live more expansive, free, fulfilling lives, we must first divest from success (Phase 1) by identifying the beliefs that have been holding us back, the rules we’ve been inadvertently playing by that have kept us more committed to success than to ourselves. Because once we identified them, we can replace them with new beliefs that make way for new behaviors and new results–aligned to the lives we want and feel called to live.
At My Core, I Believe
At my core, I believe we are here to be here, to make a meaningful difference with our presence, not with our performance, that our value is inherent not something we have to prove with endless, self-sacrificing production.
Believing this allowed me to access a level of ease, freedom, and expansiveness that wasn’t possible when I believed hard work equaled success, and success was an indication of my value, worthiness or significance.
And yes, slowing down, taking time for ourselves, and stillness are a threat…to our old identity.
But it is nourishment and life-giving for the person we are becoming.
My Invitation to You
If you are feeling pulled towards a more expansive, fulfilling life beyond success, and you are ready to cut yourself free from the beliefs that undoubtedly helped you achieve at extraordinary levels but now feel like weights stifling your evolution, Beyond Success the Cohort may be for you.
Beyond Success – the Cohort
An intimate, transformational group experience where accomplished leaders stop pushing, proving and over-producing to meet external metrics of success, and start living an expansive life driven by internal alignment, impact, and ease–a life of signifcance. and to create clarity, connection, and vision for what’s next. The experience includes a 12-week cohort and 3 months of ongoing community access and support.
Not Ready to Join the Cohort But Want to Make Time for Personal Reflection A Priority?
You value reflection. You know that quiet communion with yourself – and with God – is where your best guidance and absolute clarity come from. But finding the time feels impossible, and when you do create space, you're not always sure what to focus on.
This is why I created Beyond Busy: How Aligned Leaders Make Time for What Matters Most – Themselves and 20 Reflection Questions for Aligned Leaders.
Beyond Busy includes a mini-audit process that will help you find time, and the reflection questions will help you use that time meaningfully.
It’s time to put yourself on the calendar.
Remember…
You are worthy of time.
Time is how you demonstrate love.
That includes quality time with yourself.
The number one way to take time with and for yourself without feeling guilty or feeling like it's a threat to your ambition or your success, is to identify and replace the belief that makes you believe stillness is the enemy.
And if you’d like help doing this and creating and living a more expansive, free, fulfilling life-first life, consider joining me in Beyond Success.
Changing your beliefs changes everything.
Hi, I’m Aisha–
I’m a trusted coach and partner to accomplished leaders who’ve spent their lives climbing and achieving, only to reach the top and ask, Is this it? Through retreats, private coaching, and community experiences, I creates safe, sacred space for reflection and growth, helping my clients live and lead with greater freedom, alignment, and impact.
