Why You Can't Make Yourself Do "The Thing" You Need to Do
If you've ever felt like "I know I need to do the thing, and I just can't make myself do the thing"—if you feel stuck and find yourself asking "Why am I so undisciplined? Why can't I just do it?"—this is for you. This is a transcript of a video recording. If you’d prefer to watch/list to that real, unedited version, you can do that here.
I had lunch with a friend today. She and I are both business owners, both the primary breadwinners in our homes, and both solopreneurs. We're not leading massive teams or big businesses—we're individual people who either have coaching programs, memberships, or provide leadership development as the sole person in our business.
I mention this because in today's world, it is so noisy for solopreneurs. During our conversation, one of the things that came up was how enterprise companies have a marketing division, a research and development division, an execution division, a sales team. For us as solopreneurs, it's just us. And our temptation is to be all of those things—the research and development team, the marketing team, the salesperson, and also the person who delivers the work.
So we were talking about how noisy it is to be solopreneurs in this space. There's all this information coming at you, whether you're on LinkedIn or Instagram. It's easy to get caught up in all the things you feel like you need to do.
From "I Need To" to "I'm Excited To"
During our lunch, she was talking about something that she felt like she needed to do in her business. When I got home, I wanted to capture our conversation because I realized she and I are not the only people experiencing this. There's something really useful in how we moved from "Oh, I need to do that" to "Oh shoot, I'm excited to do that."
Here's how the conversation went:
She said, "I need to create a workshop."
All I heard in her statement was the hard "I need" part of her sentence. So I asked her, "Do you want to do that?"
She replied with an emphatic no. "I am a true introvert and I hate all of that talking in front of people, the webinar teaching style. I'm much more comfortable facilitating in a small intimate group of like five to six people."
I asked her, "So what does that look like?"
She explained that's more of what she does in her membership—it's less about her and more about the members connecting with each other. Her role is being the convener and the person who jumpstarts the conversation with carefully curated questions and thoughtful questions.
You could see her energy shifting. Her eyes lit up and danced as she talked about what she obviously loves in her work.
"So why don't you do that instead of a workshop?"
She shared that she does this four times a year and calls them open houses for her membership, and she loves it.
"What if you ran one of those once a month instead of four times a year?" I asked, since her goal was to increase the number of people in her membership. "What if you ran that open house once a month and used LinkedIn ads to get in front of new people? You could create a three-part welcome series to prepare people for the open house, gather the information you need to match them, then host your monthly open house and enroll new people every month."
The lights were on. Her brain lit up. The smile on her face and the chuckle were signs that we were onto something. The ideas began to swirl, and we sat in the quiet and just let them be.
Why We Feel Stuck: The Outside-In Trap
So many of us feel stuck in our work or in our business because we are doing what we think we need to do instead of what we want to do or what is aligned for us to do.
We think that there, out there, is a better way. We've watched the webinars, been inundated with all of the Facebook and Instagram ads telling us if we just do this one thing—this one webinar, this one challenge—if we just build this funnel or follow this script, that everything will come together.
So we set our sights on doing things that way. And when we find ourselves stalling, stuck, or just dragging our feet on the thing that we've set our sights on, the thing we think we have to do or need to do, we beat ourselves up. We push harder. We lament not being disciplined enough and wonder, "Why can't I just do the thing?"
Let me tell you: Nothing is wrong with you.
From somebody who has said, "Why can't I just do it?" From somebody who has felt like, "I'm just not disciplined." From somebody who has tried to push her way through—I want to tell you, nothing is wrong with you.
Nothing is wrong with you because you can't make yourself do the funnel. Nothing is wrong with you if you can't make yourself create the workshop. Nothing is wrong with you if you can't do the thing that somebody else is telling you is the magic thing to do.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are not undisciplined. You are not lazy. You are not even being unproductive. You are just trying to do your work following somebody else's blueprint.
The Outside-In vs. Inside-Out Approach
This is the outside-in approach to success. It assumes that someone out there knows better than you how to do what you have been charged and created to do. So rather than tuning into and listening to and following your own inner guidance, your own intuition, you defer to everybody else. Trying this strategy and that without getting the results you know are in you to get.
So what's the alternative?
The alternative is when you shift from this outside-in approach to success and you move to an inside-out approach—beginning with what's inside of you. That is looking through the lens of significance. That is assuming that you were created with every answer you need to do the thing that you've been called to do on the inside of you.
When you start looking inside yourself, you don't ask, "What would somebody else do in this situation?" You ask:
How would I do this?
What method or approach feels aligned to me?
If this process was tailor-made for me and my strengths and my interests and how I work best and what excites me, what would that look like?
Then you go and do that.
How Do You Know It's Right?
"But how do I know it's the right approach?" you might ask. When there's a lot hanging on the line, when we are the primary breadwinners, when we've come to rely on the money that our business brings in, we don't tend to feel like there is room for error.
While the idea of tuning into yourself and asking, "How would I do it? How would this be if I allowed this to be easy?" sounds good, your brain is like, "Okay, that sounds good, but you know those bills, you know those responsibilities. You know what you really want is certainty."
The brain tells you that you need to be doing the right thing because anything else is a waste.
Even though when it comes to your life, I believe every experience is meant to sharpen and refine you.
Nothing is wasted.
But for your brain that's asking, "How do I know if this is right?"
Here's how you know, the same way that I knew this was the path for my friend to take.
Her energy shifted. She went from heavy, "I need to do this, I don't know why I haven't done this"—you could almost see her whole body shifting downwards—to eyes wide with excitement and "Wait, I can do this my way. I can just do more open houses."
You know it's right if your energy soars. If it feels light, exciting, and energizing in your body.
And that need for certainty? That's a trap. Nothing is certain. Nothing.
But here's what I'd like to offer you: If you could build the business, ascend the corporate ladder, write the book, do the thing—would you rather do it with one hand tied behind your back and a weight around your ankle, constantly looking over your shoulder for approval to make sure that you are doing it right? Or would you prefer to do it with music on, vibing out, both hands free, moving light, face forward, enjoying the process?
Would you rather do it as yourself, or would you rather do it as a replica of someone else?
You Are the Blueprint
The truth is, you are the blueprint. You have and are the recipe. It's in you. The answers, the process, the directions are in you. The best way to do what you are gifted and called to do is to do it your way. The way you would do it is the best way to do it.
So if you are stuck or dragging your feet on something, ask yourself: How would I do this if I believed wholeheartedly in my sufficiency? If I believed wholeheartedly in my sacredness? If I believed wholeheartedly in my sovereignty—that I am the beginning and the end, that there is a God in me that makes me wise, that makes me all-knowing? If I believed in that version of me, how would I do it?
And then, go do that.
You are the differentiator. Everything that you were called to create, everything that you have a deep desire to do—the guidebook, the instructions, are in you. The blueprint is you.
Turning Down the Noise
My hope is that you learn to listen to and honor that voice that is inside of you. And I know that it is terribly difficult to do that when there's so much noise around you.
So my invitation to you is to turn down some of that noise:
Turn down your Instagram feed. And by turn down, I mean turn off.
Turn down your ringer so that you get fewer disruptions.
Turn down your LinkedIn. I love LinkedIn, but I have recently noticed that there's a lot of noise on LinkedIn lately. I go through and unsubscribe from people.
I am turning down the noise so that I never lose sight or sound of myself. What I have been charged with bringing to this world, the answers coded in my DNA. My job is to listen to that and to follow that, to trust that.
Does it mean that things are going to look different from how everybody else does it? Absolutely. That's the point.
My videos? They're not all prettily scripted. I'm reading from my notebook, talking off the dome. Because somewhere, somebody needs to see me this way. Me doing it any other way is actually doing it wrong. Me doing it this way is absolutely right.
The same is true for you.
So here's to tuning in, listening to ourselves, and doing things our way.
Ready to trust your own blueprint? Grab You Are the Blueprint: The Aligned Approach to Getting the Right Things Done, the FREE resource guide that accompanies this article. It includes a step-by-step guide as well as reflection questions for journaling
Hey, I’m Aisha –
A life and leadership coach who helps high-achieving women create more margin, joy, and fulfillment in their lives by shifting from a life centered on success, to a life rooted in significance. She leads retreats, workshops, and coaching programs that empower women to align their lives with their deepest values.
I’m so glad you’re here.
