The Second ‘Yes’ – Why Who You Tell First Matters Most

I was on a call discussing Beyond Success with a friend, when she casually mentioned that she’d been thinking about taking a sabbatical. 

I sat up, leaned towards my computer, eyes wide and said, “DO IT!” adding a little shimmy at the end for effect. 

Eight days later, she sent me a text, “Hello friend. I have decided to take my sabbatical in May. And, I’d like to park myself in Portugal for the month.”

My reply? 
Yes! Yes! Yes! All the yeses!

Four days after that, her flights were booked.

And it dawned on me…

You can collapse the distance between your dreams and your reality with the second yes–that’s why who you tell first matters most.

For so many of us, it takes everything in us to allow ourselves to dream, to suspend reality for just a moment, and imagine that there’s a world in which you can actually have what you want. 

That hard-fought first yes is to yourself. 

And while you may not realize it, it’s not a definitive “Yes.”  

It’s, “Yes?” With a question mark at the end. 

Because this isn’t the first time you’ve wanted to go after a big dream. But it’s likely that when you mustered up just enough faith and dared to believe that you could indeed do what your heart, soul, and spirit were asking, the first person you trusted with your yes told you “no.” 

And maybe they didn’t say the word “no,” but their eyes narrowed just enough to make you question. 

Maybe they laughed in ‘Girl, are you serious?’ 

Maybe they let out a longing sigh and a “Wouldn’t that be nice?” As if what you’d said was a dream as unrealistic as winning the lottery. 

Or perhaps your really smart friend, the one who is always on-her-A game, hits you with all the questions she’d need answered to make sure this decision made sense. Her when, where, hows and what abouts smothering the spark of hope before it has a chance to catch fire.

And instead of getting the support and the buoying affirmation you needed, your well-meaning friends, unintentionally sided with the version of you they know—not the version of you that you’ve decided to become.  

You see, your “sabbatical” starts the moment you decide. The moment you listen to that part of you that’s asking to be heard, the part of you that’s seeking to come forth, to evolve beyond where you are—the moment you say yes to that part of you, you accept the invitation. 

But when you leave, when you actually go, depends on how soon you get the second yes. 

When you tell someone and their eyes light up—YES. 

When the person you tell shimmies instead of shudders—YES.

When they celebrate your decision instead of second guessing it—YES.

When they recognize and are inspired by the enormous courage it took to believe, surrender, and honor yourself above all else—YES. 

Yes? (Can I?)
YES. 

Yes?(For real?)
YES. 

Yes? (I can?!?)
YES!

Yes! (I’m doing it!)
YES!

Their YES feels like a slow, deep breath that reaches down to your core letting you know that this, too, is okay. That it’s okay to stop asking, stop doubting, and stop looking for reasons why you can’t and instead start believing that you can and that you’ve already done the hardest part.

Their YES takes you by the hands, looks you in the eyes, and in an instant, the unfamiliar journey you thought you’d have to travel alone feels less daunting, lighter. The belief joining forces with your own to make what was once impossible a bit more real.

Their YES lifts you higher. You feel like you’ve just joined hands with a friend who’s grabbed her scissors and is waving them around in wild excitement at the idea of helping you cut the cords to all that’s weighed you down. 

Their YES makes your YES feel like cause for celebration.

Because it is. 

The moment you decide to listen to yourself, to honor your voice, to give yourself what you need, to be still, to have no agenda other than to do, go, be, what YOU need and want for YOU…

You’re not just taking a “sabbatical,” you are choosing to get to know YOU. 

Not you, the hopes and dreams, your parents wanted you to be. 
Not you, the model, your siblings needed you to be. 
Not you, the star performer, your teachers, boss, or peers expect you to be. 
Not you, the caregiver, your partner or kids deserve for you to be. 

The you you want to be for you. 

You are choosing to explore what it feels like to live for yourself. 

You are choosing to live. 

If that’s not cause for celebration, I don’t know what is. 

So many of us have delayed going after what we want most be it a sabbatical or something else we’ve dared not say above a whisper because we haven’t gotten the belief-building, spirit-affirming Second YES. 

We didn’t know we needed it. And why would we? We’ve spent our whole lives fighting fiercely to be seen and regarded as independent. We’ve conflated asking someone to walk alongside us with asking for permission. 

The Second YES isn’t about asking permission. It’s asking for support. This can feel uncomfortable for high-achievers, eldest siblings, cycle-breakers, and other trailblazers who’ve learned how and are used to going through hard alone. Ask me how I know.

Instead, you’re asking them to stand with you, to cheer you on, to be in your corner as you go forth. You don’t need their permission. You’ve already decided. You’re inviting them to bear witness to the magnificence of your becoming.

An invitation:

Whether you're choosing to take a sabbatical, start your own business, write a book, or completely reinvent yourself, the Second YES affirms and accelerates you having what you want most.

What do you want?

What is something you’ve been wanting to do? A desire that’s been calling to you, whispering an invitation in your quietest moments? (It doesn’t matter if it seems impossible or you can’t see a path to it or the how. For now, just listen to it. Acknowledge the invitation.) Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And another one.

Then let yourself say it aloud: I’m {insert your heart’s desire here}. 

This might sound like: 

I’m moving abroad.
I’m getting a divorce. 
I’m writing my first book. 
I’m speaking on stages. 
I’m exploring my sexuality. 
I’m taking a sabbatical. 
I’m revolutionizing nonprofit leadership. 
I’m breaking the cycle of mother as martyr and creating a new legacy. 

This is mine (takes deep breath because sharing something in its soft newness is vulnerable):

I have a benefactor(s) who delights so much in me and my writing, that they fund me. “Here’s a check to cover your life. I don’t want you to spend any of your energy worrying about any of that other stuff. I just want you to have all the time and space and inspiration you need to create freely.”

Yes. 😮‍💨💃🏽

Whatever you say, should feel like that: 

Wild. Free. Shimmy-worthy. And a little like bih-what?!?

Speak Life Into What You Want 

Once you have your thing, ask yourself, Who could I trust with this? Who would delight in this with me? Who could be my Second YES?

Asking this question is valuable in two ways: First, you recognize the people in your life who make you feel safest, the people with whom you can be your most vulnerable self. That’s a beautiful thing. On the other hand, you may realize that you don’t have many Second YES people in your life. And that might feel sad. Feel that. It’s okay. Now you know and can do something about it. 

How you can find your Second YES: 

• move one of your current people into that role over time by trusting them with smaller yeses, 

• get in community with people who say YES (I’m creating this), and/or 

• work with a coach who can be your Second YES. I do this kind of work with clients via my 1:1 Life Sessions.

After you’ve identified your Second  YES, share your decision with them. You can do this via text, phone call, email, whatever feels easiest/safest for you. 

Here’s what you might say:

I’ve decided to take a sabbatical.
I’ve decided to spend a month off the grid in North Carolina.

And if you want soften the ask so-to-speak, you might first say something like: 

I’m making a decision that feels big, scary, and really right for me, and I wanted to share it with someone I trust (YOU ❤️). Takes a deep breath…I’m adopting a baby. 

If they are indeed your Second YES, their response should feel 

Light
Supportive
Liberating

OMG! YES!
Yes.

If you're feeling that whisper of possibility – whether it's about changing careers, writing a book, starting a movement, or yes, taking a sabbatical – and you're looking for your Second YES, I’ve created space in my calendar for 1:1 Life Sessions. Because sometimes, all you need is one person to lean in and say YES. 

Rooting for you always,

Aisha