I'm Afraid I Won't Be Who I've Been

The fear, the sadness, the sense of loss — they're real. And they're exactly what keeps us from stepping into what's next.

Who will I be if I am not this version of me? we ask.

This version of me is successful. This version of me works hard and gets things done. This version of me has influence. This version of me has everything the younger me wanted.

I'm afraid this next version of me isn't her. I liked her. I know her. She's gotten me here. Everything I am is because of her. Who would I be without her?

And that's the problem with the question: you're not living without her. You're honoring her.

Look at where she's gotten you. Look at all of the sacrifices she made. Look at how hard she fought for you to be here.

She believed in you so much. She believed enough to face her fears. She believed enough to fall and get back up again and again. She believed enough to forge ahead when she was tired, uncertain, and second-guessed.

Because she believed in who you could be.

Who you are.

You're not leaving her. You ARE her.

When you step into this next evolution of yourself, you are honoring all of the work you put in. When you step into this next evolution of yourself, you get to live the life you fought hard to have. When you step into this next evolution of yourself, you stand before a mirror, eye to eye with the person who got you this far, and you get to say to her — to yourself —

Job well done.

You did so much for me. You believed so much in me. I wouldn't be here without you.

Thank you.

For the next leg of our journey, let me take care of you. Let's reap the harvest you so diligently sowed. Let's spend the time we have left delighting in this life. Let's do all of the things you want to do, all of the things that matter to you. Let's play, explore, find the places where your heart leaps and swells with laughter. Let's expand. Let's figure out what this life can be. Let's do it together.

So, no. You aren't leaving her behind. You are grabbing her by the hand and bringing her on the most amazing ride. You are bringing her on the ride of her life. Of your life.

You've made it this far by force. Let's see how far you can go with joy, ease, and flow.

No, you won't be who you've been.

You'll be who you are. More than you've ever been before.

This is living.